Archive for the 'Thoughts on romance' Category


Dating the rich and famous

At a holiday party over the weekend, a friend revealed that he had dated a now-famous TV star while they were both in college. Everyone asked him what she was like. His response? “Oddly enough, she never watched TV. She said all the shows were boring. She wanted to be on Broadway instead.”

I found that tidbit interesting. So all weekend long, I asked people if they had dated some rich, famous, or important — and to tell me one odd or endearing thing about them. This being L.A., I got a lot of responses. Here are the results, with names withheld to protect the innocent.

  • Big-name music video director – “He played Dungeons & Dragons every Thursday, so we could never get together that night. He would rather roll dice with his friends than have sex with me. This was after he got famous.”
  • Well-known liberal activist – “She would order wine for total strangers in restaurants and insist to be kept anonymous.”
  • NFL quarterback – “Honestly, he could barely read. And now he makes millions of dollars.”
  • Member of Congress – “I know you won’t believe this, but she’s a very religious, conservative Republican but she was an absolute animal in bed. It was like a movie.”
  • Director of comedy movies – “Never tipped anyone. Ever. It was embarrassing.”
  • Indie film actor – “He was just famous enough to start getting recognized, and when people asked for his autograph, he was so sweet about it. He seemed really touched. Even when they were bothering us, he took the time to talk to them.”
  • Rock star – “She was in a band in college, but she always missed rehearsal (usually to see me) and hardly ever practiced. She even missed two or three shows. I don’t know when she ever got around to learning to play music.”

Have you dated a celebrity, either before or after they made it big? Do you know someone who has? Tell me about it! You can comment here or write to me privately at


Secret Admirer

It began a few weeks ago.

First, I found a single red rose on my doorstep. No note or card.

A few days later, I came home to find a bottle of champagne waiting for me. Pretty expensive stuff, too.

Then I found a box of chocolates in the same place. Cliché? Yes. But also delicious.

Finally, on Saturday, there was a pair of diamond stud earrings by my door.

I have no idea on who is behind these gifts. I have to admit, the mystery is exhilarating.

Have you ever had — or been — a secret admirer? What happened?

And what should I do in this situation? What should the mystery man do? Do you think he’ll ever come out of the shadows?


Unexpectedly Sexy

I’ve been thinking a lot about clothes lately. I’ve realized that while I think I only look sexy in a few outfits — a black evening dress, or just the right swimsuit — the men in my life have found me irresistible when I’m dressed down, hair a mess, not even wearing any makeup. I did a little unscientific polling and came up with a few casual numbers that seem to drive men wild:

  • Sports jerseys. I don’t mean form-fitting women’s versions. I’m talking about regular, stadium-ready uniforms. When you wear a jersey, you combine a man’s two greatest loves — his girl and his team. It has quite an effect on them. And since jerseys are usually baggy, they fit anyone!

  • Men’s clothes. Specifically, your man’s clothes. Instead of walking in to the bedroom in your usual lingerie, try wearing one of your guy’s business shirts (make sure it’s not his best one!), buttoned up as much or as little as you like, with only panties underneath. High heels optional. Watch him melt.

  • Sweatshirts, baseball caps, jeans, etc. I don’t understand it. Sweatshirts hide my curves, and hoods and hats hide my hair. But almost every guy I’ve talked to or been with loved these simple, casual, ensembles. One offered an explanation: “It reminds me of college, when all the girls wore sweatshirts and had their hair in ponytails. Every girl seemed approachable back then.” Take note.

  • Pajamas. Not lingerie, not baby dolls, but full, long-sleeved pajamas. Another example of reverse psychology, in which the more you cover up, the more men want to uncover you.

  • Flannel. Another head-scratcher. Lumberjack fetish? Holdover trend from Juno? “I love a rugged woman,” says one of my guy friends, “If a girl can fish, pitch a tent, build a fire — I’m hers.” And even if you can’t do those things, you can still make men think you can. Roll up the sleeves and leave the top few buttons undone so you don’t look too masculine.

Do you have any other outfits that you wouldn’t think are sexy, but men seem to love?


You can quote me

I’m not the first person to write about love and sex. People like Jane Austen, Shakespeare, and Aristophanes beat me to it. Here are a few words of wisdom on the topic that’s as old as the cavemen.

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
— Woody Allen

These impossible women! How they do get around us! The poet was right: Can’t live with them, or without them.
— Aristophanes

Love ceases to be a pleasure when it ceases to be a secret.
— Aphra Behn

Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.
— Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
— William Shakespeare

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
— Billy Crystal, When Harry Met Sally…

You don’t marry someone you can live with; you marry the person who you can’t live without.
— Unknown

I pay very little regard…to what any young person says on the subject of marriage. If they profess a disinclination for it, I only set it down that they have not yet seen the right person.
— Jane Austen

Real love stories never have endings.
— Richard Bach

Know of any great quotes about love, sex, or marriage? Let me know!


Dating a monster — literally

I mentioned vampires in my last post and got some letters about it. Apparently, a lot of people are attracted to Dracula or his beautiful, deadly brides. But would you actually want to date him? I thought I’d run down the list of famous monsters to see if they’re boyfriend material.

hy I’d date him: Always well-dressed. Foreign accents turn me on. Love it when guys kiss my neck. Brides could join in on the fun. Would let me do my own thing during the day.

Why I wouldn’t date him: Brides might get jealous. Aversion to wine means I’d always be drinking alone. Turning into a flying rodent is not sexy.

Frankenstein Monster
Why I’d date him: Talk about a hunk! Nice business-casual look in his sport coat. Hates fire, so he’s a non-smoker.

Why I wouldn’t date him: Just got out of a tough relationship with his Bride. Not exactly a gentle hand. Lots of guys have trouble expressing themselves, but this is ridiculous.

Wolf Man
Why I’d date him: Hey, it’s only a problem once a month; now we’re even. Wouldn’t have to persuade him to try doggy-style.

Why I wouldn’t date him: Mange. Fleas and ticks. Aversion to silver means I’d never get any good jewelry.

Why I’d date him: Hello, he’s royalty!

Why I wouldn’t date him: Talk about a May-December romance; he’s 3,000 years old. Don’t want to get cursed every time we have an argument.

Any I left out? Disagree? Let me know!


Playing the part

I don’t mean on a movie set. I mean in the bedroom.

I’ve certainly had some role-playing experience in my personal sexual adventures. To spice things up, to please my partners, or to indulge my own fantasies, I’ve been a police officer, a cowgirl, a cheerleader, a teacher, a pirate, and even a vampire. I’ll let you guess which were my ideas and which were theirs.

One of the best role-playing efforts I’ve ever heard of comes in a letter from Cindy in Toronto:

“I was with a guy who was really into Star Wars. Don’t laugh, he made a small fortune buying and selling rare Star Wars toys. As you might guess, he had a thing for Princess Leia. After a few months of pleading (which was great in itself), I agreed.

Princess Leia

“I didn’t know what I was getting into! He made me watch all three films, which I hadn’t seen since I was a kid. He taught me all about the Leia character and her adventures before and after the movies (from novels which no one’s read but him). He sat beside me as we shopped online for her slave girl outfit from Return of the Jedi.

“I felt like I was preparing for a movie. He even gave me some basic dialogue suggestions. When the time finally came, he put Stars Wars music on the CD player and came in dressed as Han Solo. He looked pretty good, actually. We said some lines from the movie, improvised the rest, and then had — so he said — the best sex of his life. After that, I only had to snap my fingers and he would answer my every wish!”

Cindy deserves a medal, or maybe an Academy Award, for her work, don’t you think?

Do you have any role-playing stories to share? Post them or write to me at


Don’t ask!

During a long car ride together, my man and I came up with a list of things never to ask a lover. Why? Because the answers, no matter how honest, will never satisfy you.

  1. Is that girl/guy better-looking than I am?
  2. Would you ever hire a prostitute?
  3. Would you cheat if you knew I would never find out?
  4. What exactly happened at your bachelor(ette) party?
  5. How many people have you slept with?
  6. Which one of my friends do you find most attractive?
  7. Have you thought about having surgery to correct _____?
  8. Do you want to meet my ex?
  9. Have you gained weight? (Change that third word to “lost”!)
  10. Am I the best you’ve ever been with?

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be honest with your partner, but certain questions lead only to disappointment or conflict — it’s the questions themselves, and the mistrust they imply, that’s the problem.

Have any ideas of what to add to the list? Post them!

July 2018
« Jul